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Call Girl On Layaway

from 31 Flavours Volume 5 - Albatross by Chris Combs

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lyrics

I met this girl
She was so fine
I knew right then
I had to make her mine

And so I asked her
I had to know
But as it turns out
she is a pro


Fifteen hundred dollars an hour
not including the tip
After trying to talk her down
we came up with this


For 20 dollars a week
Less than a case of beer
I get to upwrap her
for Christmas next year

If I can make
timely payments
she'll throw in another
15 minutes


I put my call girl on layaway
call girl on layaway
I'll get to have her someday
I put my call girl on layaway


But I can't afford that
on minimum wage
But I really need her
to be my love slave


She says that's okay
she understands
she also has a
3-year payment plan


And apart from cash
She'll also take
Moo Shu from her
favourite Chinese place

So every weekend
I buy her dinner
and get four bucks closer
to being in her


Fifteen hundred dollars an hour
and Chinese food's so cheap
it seems like it will take forever
to take her home with me


I put my call girl on layaway
call girl on layaway
that's 36 months of foreplay
I put my call girl on layaway


75 minutes of ecstasy
gonna fulfill all my fantasies

I'll tie her up and spank her
and put her on her knees
and when I'm finished using her
she'll do the same to me

she'll tell me I'm a bad boy
she'll dress like Donna Reed
she make me wash her dishes
while wearing her panties

she'll cinch a belt around my neck
while swinging from a trapeze
pretty much everything in
Sex Games For Dummies

and if there's time left over
after these depravities
we'll have sex!


Now fourteen hundred
dollars later
I've brought a C note
and I can date her

show up to her place
and open the door
there she is lying
on the floor


She is a victim of poisoning
most likely from all that MSG
Oh I bet she's just pretending
'cause she knows that one of my fantasies


I put my call girl on layaway
call girl on layaway
best investment I ever made
I put my call girl on layaway

credits

from 31 Flavours Volume 5 - Albatross, released August 31, 2010

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