I was in Chicago in 2002 to see The Residents, and every single thing described in this song actually happened. There are lots of other wacky stories from that trip, but this one is the best. I used to love telling the story, but realized it would make a much better talking song with its built-in repeating chorus. There are a few more details from this particular story, so if you are with me and have some time to kill, ask for the full tale.
Written 31 July, 4 August 2005.
lyrics
After the show we had to go to the hotel
We wanted to eat we wanted to sleep so here's the deal:
Carlin and I will take this car, Joe and Evan that
follow us out he knows the way and don't you get off track
Immediately out of the parking lot their car was gone
the hotel is only two blocks away they can't be long
will our parking be validated let's ask the girl
she shooed us along we drove on in and then a light twirled
A yellow strobe a howling alarm so we stopped
we froze, prepared, a little bit scared, but there were no cops
the girl seemed oblivious so I ventured a guess
'does that alarm mean nothing's wrong?' and she nodded yes
Please pay no attention to that alarm
That alarm means everything is normal
You can go on about your business
That alarm is there to tell us there's no trouble
We walked to the hotel under a normal spell and tried to check in
the front desk clerk didn't do his work on my reservation
I'd booked two rooms but they only had one - they gave the other one away
but to a film crew it so happened we knew, so that was okay
Carlin said let's split up then, to find our entourage
he'll take a jaunt to the restaurant, I'll check the garage
just as we split I could hear it and see the light
someone had sounded the normal alarm, my second one tonight
Please pay no attention to that alarm
That alarm means everything is normal
You can go on about your business
That alarm is there to tell us there's no trouble
It wasn't them but I noticed then the headlights were on
Carlin would be sunk if he needed a jump to get back home
I caught up with him he had a pizza in hand I told him then
we raced on toward the parking garge and set off the alarm again
Please pay no attention to that alarm
That alarm means everything is normal
You can go on about your business
That alarm is there to tell us there's no trouble
Finally Joe with Evan in tow in the car arrived
He was determined to open the lid with the pizza inside
With a hungry stare and little care he reached for the treat
but Carlin swung it away and said 'I'm just kidding mate, I found this on the street'
And with that prank I had Carlin to thank for such fun
'but we'd better get some real food quick so come along'
just a bunch of friends at the pizza place nothing formal
But first one more chance just to make sure everything is normal
Please pay no attention to that alarm
That alarm means everything is normal
You can go on about your business
That alarm is there to tell us there's no trouble
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